god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
