Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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