I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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