she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize