Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
