Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
