you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my shit smells like andre
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
