I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
