omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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