Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
