Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
