Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
