I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
