Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
