Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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