I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
