I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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