I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
