How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
