Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
