Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
