you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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