Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
3pm strippers are depressing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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