great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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