Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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