you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
