my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
