On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
