I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
