Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
