i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
