I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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