His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
