so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
