At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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