please come you make the beer taste better
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Two words: blizzard sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
