Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
