I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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