She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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