don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
