I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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