LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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