Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
