I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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