it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
