So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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