Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
