oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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