It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's like iHOP with fire
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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