Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
