I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
