I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
