My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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