You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
