I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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