He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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