Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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