No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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