i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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