spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
