Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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