What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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